Monday, February 22, 2016

Toronto is making me fat. A Shape Poem.

is making me fat.
In addition to miserable.
It weighs heavy on my mind.
I am starting to see the evidence.
I've gained 10 pounds in 6 months.
I get winded walking up our hill.
My cheeks are getting chubby.
My mouth is the culprit.
My chin has become dimply.
My necklaces strangle me.
I am big, bulky,
Bulging, & chunky.
I blame the Beer Store.
I blame brunch on Queen Street.
I blame Ed's Hand Scooped Ice Cream.
I blame the Wine Rack and artisan cheese. 
My boobs are popping out of all sides of my bra
engorged by Halloween candy and Christmas cookies.
My flabby arms droop the opposite direction of a muscled bicep.
My roly-poly wrists feel restrained in their once-favorite bracelets.
My lovely rings are stuck on swollen and bloated sausage fingers.
My back fat is folding over itself in new creases and rolls.
I blame poutine gravy and butter chicken.
I blame Coffee Crisp, Kinder Bueno, and ketchup chips.
I blame an abundance of restaurants within walking distance.
I blame not walking much distance anymore as I have nowhere to go.
I blame television, the internet, Candy Crush, and this comfortable couch. 
I blame Kingston Road Chinese for being generous with their delicious portions.
I blame the lady down the street who sells homemade samosas hot out of the oven.
My poofy white winter coat makes me look like the Stay-Puff Marshmallow Man.
I see my pile of jeans and don't even want to try to squeeze myself into them.
I reach for black yoga pants instead; stretchy, comfortable, and forgiving.
I weigh more now than I did with either one of my pregnancies.
The scale shows me a number I have never seen before.
I have to lean to look over my big fat belly.
My butt is reaching Kardashian status.
My hips are getting harder to hide
My underwear is suddenly tight.
My thighs are beyond thick.
I fear their circumference.
They've always been thick,
but never as thick as this.
My knees are lumpy,
Plump and husky.
My calves refuse
to fit in a boot.
My cankles ache.
My feet struggle to support me.
I can't stand to see what's become of me.

*Some phones break up the stanzas so the shape aspect gets lost... try viewing sideways or on a computer. 


  1. VERY well done.
    Timing/placement of "mouth" and "knees" and all that - very well done.

    Now - time to go paleo. {;o

  2. Thanks Lief! It may or may not be a bit of hyperbole. It started off as a simple blog rant but became more fun when I started morphing it into that shape.

  3. Great stuff!....keep hope...Spring is coming!